Hello. This is Doreen.

I would like to consider this as a safe space. Please allow me to express my thoughts.

Due to recent personal events, I have been questioning mortality. The days have merged into one overwhelming storm. There are a few moments of calm but only there to fool everyone that it’s getting better. It can’t. I don’t know what day it is but it’s been raining in Metro Manila for quite some time. Even the weather refuses to cooperate.

How does one cope with the helplessness when a loved one is dying? The only thing we’re hoping for is a peaceful transition. I don’t know how to achieve that. I won’t know when I see it. The longer this goes on, the faintest traces of sanity fades. We stopped watching via FaceTime. It’s not escaping or abandoning or at least what’s what we tell ourselves. How can I shun the regret looming over the thought of not being there for the final moments?

There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s difficult to hear it – even more so to accept it.