And This Is Why You Must Write.

If you’ve outlived a loved one, 

It’s their remnants in the mundane 

The freshens each hurt. The dust 

Collecting on their shoes, the absence 

Of footsteps on the stairs, and the silence 

Of each evening. Youth left with the last time 

You opened the front door. Keys fumbled through 

The lock and we wasted the years humbled by 

The unkept dreams of childhood. I am fully

Functional but not really. I forget the shape

Of his eyebrows when frustrated and his grin 

When victorious. From where I sit, he is still 

There, tucked within journals and poems

I wrote to keep him alive – through this

He will outlive me. 

Through All The Things You Cannot Change

You sleep like a child. Start the slumber induced 
Time warp to breeze through the inevitable 
Like a montage. The mundane you cannot escape: 
The long commute home, reckless conversations, 
Basic hygiene, forced pleasantries, society’s fun-filled 
Pendulum. Power through and pretend you’re too tired. 
You are not exceptionally exhausted, just perpetually so. 

Let’s make believe you are in charge of your life. 
Stuck and in awe of people who have everything 
Pieced together and crumbling at the same time.
You are not trash but you’re no one’s treasure either. 
With your fingers you can feel the earth, your eyes 
Can process photons, just sensory spares of the universe,
Dwindling and disassociating. Don’t ask me 
If I feel the same way. I’m too distracted to notice.

Colors and Calm

You deserve the deepest hues

At whichever wavelength your monsters 

Require. I live your myths before fully 

Grasping the lore, even argue with sphinxes 

To preserve it. I’ll let you go

As easily as conscience goes.

You can calm the experience through 

Verses or claim it as an afterthought. 

I’d fondly regret on days when 

Everyone else has denied me and go 

Back to where we were blinded by 

Rose colored spaces – only to awake

As mundane and monochrome.

Yet, I’ll live as you can no longer.

A Blue Faucet

Water ran out. The pipes were dry. 
There was no telling whether
The faucet was close or open. 
Just tightly turned clockwise or counter-
Clockwise. I still live there, waiting
For random rations or rain. Fooling myself 
Of this impermanence. The plumbing 
Brittle: from moss to dust to decay. I stay
And rot as the dirt engulf me. On lucky days, 
I bathe. At my luckiest, I am clean, 
And at my lowest, I write. 

How I Feel About My MFA Thesis:

Ahead of the tapestry, a weaver 

Does not philosophize about the thread.

Shed. Pick. Beat. Repeat. Not relishing 

In completion, only fixating on

pushing the weft into place. 

And yet, here I am, blocking 

the stark sunlight with the promise

of a curtain. They lift and lower with 

Control. Altered tension breaks 

The monotony of color. Rhythmic but 

Not musical. I celebrate at every beat, 

Grin at each syllable that’s stuck 

In the drafts formed by fleeting discipline. 

Unable to finish. Unable to let go.

The Last Branch

Hi! This is Alexis.

I wrote this for a short story contest but unfortunately, this piece did not win. But here it is! Hope you like it.

—-

The Last Branch

The ancestors cut down the trees that shaded Mother from the sun. She was blinded by sunlight and could not open her eyes. One by one, the trees became part of their houses. They sat, slept, and ate on it. When it broke, they used it as firewood. It brought so much convenience at the cost of the Mother’s vision.

When she was left with just one tree, she used its last leaves to make a beautiful green robe that covered her eyes. It had the majesty of the forest and all the shades of the earth.

For years, Mother remained in the middle of a bare patch of land. Until a young girl came to visit.

This girl always felt ugly. All the children said it. Her father never mentioned she was beautiful and since she never had a mother, no one comforted her.

She thought that the Mother of the forest was her mother. In her loneliness, she imagined that somewhere out there, there’s a mother for everyone.

‘Did you know that you can talk to Mother?’ The other children said. She ran down to ask permission from her father.

‘Can I go see Mother?’ She muttered so he could not hear her properly.

Her father nodded without even looking at her. She knew that he didn’t understand what she meant. She had no time to repeat the question and ran straight from her house to the barren land.

‘Mother?’ The girl’s voice echoed.

‘Yes?’ Mother’s voice was calm.

‘I’m,’ the girl hesitated, ‘your daughter.’

Mother did not respond.

‘They said you have the wisdom of the ages, of all ages. I have a -’

‘Child, did you know that this used to be the middle of the forest? The only thing they did not cut off is this. ‘ She pointed to the last branch attached to her.

‘Can I do something about that? If you could tell me something maybe I could help you. Just take one look, Mother. Just one look.’

‘I cannot. The sun blinds me. The trees are no more. ‘

‘Should I bring back the trees?’ The girl volunteered.

‘Can you?’

‘I will try.’

So the girl went there every day. She took that last portion of the tree from Mother’s side and planted it around her. Her sadness and diligence helped the trees grow faster. She cut down another portion from the growing one and planted it in the next spot. Soon enough, she had enough trees. She worked in silence while Mother dreamt of the forest.

It was one exhausting day after the next. After months of working hard, her father woke her up in excitement. They went to the village square where people gathered. In the middle were the trees she worked so hard to grow.

‘That’s for my chair. That’s for my bed! The leaves are for paper!’ The villagers said in excitement.

She ran immediately to the barren land.

‘Who goes there?’

‘I can try again Mother. I can work on it again!’

‘It was the last one, my child,’ she said. But what is it that you seek? Let me try to open my eyes one last time.’

She hesitated. But asked anyway. ‘Am I ugly as they say I am?’

Mother still could not see because of the bright light. ‘No child, from the little I could see, you are beautiful.’

Slaughterhouse Five – Kurt Vonnegut

I haven’t posted lately because I had to review for my comprehensive exams. Hopefully one step closer to finishing my MFA! 🤞

I’m currently reading Vonnegut. He’s the kind of writer I aspire to be: effortless wit, the kind of humor you reserve for your closest friends but hope that some like minded stranger would understand.